Coming back from winter break is always hard. That taste of stillness and freedom always creates a mini depression in me coming back to work. I miss my family and the quality time with loved ones. It's the time I always miss being back home most. It's the time I find it hardest to anchor into my bigger purpose of service. It's the time I want to continue resting and serving myself for a minute. I linger on that thought. I, as you do, spend so much time pouring into others and I am incredibly resilient and able to separate my work from my personal well being most of the time. That said, winter break reminds me how important self care is and how hard it is to serve well when you're not rested and taken care of. Our collective stamina is so impressive. The way we continue to get up and give our all is not matched in any other group of people or profession I've encountered in my life but I would be remiss not to mention how much gets left behind or left out in our lives as a result. I remember my mom's retirement speech from her high school principalship. She thanked my dad, my siblings, and I and apologized for all the moments missed and the pieces of our family sacrificed for her service to others in the role. I didn't get it then. All of my memories are of togetherness and filled with nothing but happiness. I get it now. We have to work so hard to give to our personal lives in the same way we give to our professional lives. That's my New Years resolution. I will be better at that part. I have to be. Stay tuned for a looks like/sounds like on how I figure out how to make that happen consistently and well for my family and for me.
Moving into second semester, I am busy closing out the first half of the year while also building stamina for the next five months. It's so easy to just look at the spring calendar and feel the year is over already. We're putting summer dates on and calendaring for the next year. If you blink twice, you'll miss it. I'm grounding in goals to keep myself on track and motivated. My change project needs work. I've got a plan for teaming and progress that I'm excited about and if I stay committed to leading and coaching, I am confident positive outcomes will result. Our first Culture Team meeting is next week and I'm so glad to finally see that manifesting after months of planning and execution ups and downs. We will find a way and it will happen. I'm excited for the back end of APA. Our presentation interviews were a challenge for me. Not so much the actual executing, but the leading up to it. I questioned myself and wondered if I actually new what I was doing or why I was doing it. I came out on the backside reaffirmed in my self confidence and the rightness of my work. It's not perfect. I am certainly not either, but the work is right because it seeks to better our system for kids. Reminding myself of that and proving to myself I am capable and confident was refreshing and has me motivated to Get.It.Done. The urgency is back. Although we're busy closing things out, I am in the future. I dream of wonder and I've got my feet back in the creek.
What you say is so incredibly true. I pour everything into what I'm doing on a daily basis and often come home with not much left in the tank. I need to go for a run, fold a load of laundry, make dinner, run someone to some sport, pick someone else up from some other sport, tell my husband something I had forgotten earlier in the day but won't see him until he gets home with some other kid from some other sport. By the time all of that settles, I need to do a quick work email check to make sure nothing has gone down that will need serious attention, get distracted shopping online, and then realize it's 10:00 and I haven't even written anything (my goal is an hour a day). It is exhausting. I do as little as humanly possible over our breaks. We take time as a family to reconnect: watching movies, reading books, whooping our kids at card games, playing 4-Square (they can finally beat me now), and every little thing we get a chance to do to just exist. Sometimes just existing matters. I think you do a wonderful job balancing it all, my friend. And I know the work you do on a daily basis matters. Like you, I've questioned a lot this year, and like you, that self-confidence is back after MidYear. We are going to end this year wonderfully...and you better take your summer to go get your feet back in the creek.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe it either, but we started talking about summer dates, too. It's going to be a busy second semester so I am glad to hear you enjoyed your break to refresh and gain perspective. I often wonder how my kids view my time with them and if I am around enough. My dad was not an educator but was always working so it always made it fun to see him. I've really thought about bringing my kids to my school so I could see them more, yet I don't want to disrupt their lives. I'm glad your presentation went well. That was a tough process!
ReplyDeleteMy mom was a high school principal, too. She has often talked about the time she missed with us when I was little because she worked so much. Truthfully, the only time I ever felt her absence in my life was the two years when she was earning her PhD at the University of Georgia (driving to Athens every Tuesday and Thursday for 3 semester). That's probably because she brought me to work with her often and somehow never missed a single band concert or school function at my own middle and high schools. Looking back now, I'm not sure how she did that, but I would imagine she didn't have much "me time" during those years. The balancing act is tough for all of us and each person is fighting their own battles and working through their own struggles.
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